PPD (Post partum depression)

It wasn't long after getting home that I realized I was feeling extremely depressed. I was physically very sore of course from a hard labor, so I spent my first couple of weeks taking it easy and in the bed. I could literally be watching "90 day fiancé", and just start crying for no apparent reason. I could always feel it coming on, (the crying spells) I could even sometimes hold it in, in fear of being embarrassed that I was crying for no reason anyone else could feel but myself, but mostly PPD kicked my ass!

The crying spells are just one of the symptoms, I was physically lethargic, barely wanted to eat (which is crucial as a breastfeeding Mom), I had no desire to have visitors, even close relatives I basically shut out, I just didn't want to be bothered with anyone other than my newborn baby, eldest child, and spouse (trust me they were even skating on thin ice, but living under the same roof, I found ways to deal with them lol).

I read a lot of articles online, trying to find things I could do at home to get back to myself. The more logical thing to do is make an appointment and see my doctor. This sounds so easy, doesn't it. Just imagine, I hadn't combed my hair in days, and only put on real clothes to bring Arielle to her follow up appointments. I was the least of my worries, even though I know how serious this was/is; making a doctors appointment and getting to the doctor was too much.

Only relatable to a fish out of water, or a never ending anxiety attack, PPD, was kicking my ass. My story continues... so I won't offer any fake resolution. My best advice in all reality is to get to a doctor and do it fast! So often I see stories online of new Mom's committing suicide, or worse homicide because they cannot get a grip on their emotions.

Offer no one any excuses! If you are having a rough patch, get help, and DO NOT LET THE OPINION OF OTHERS STOP YOU! I remember an old friend reached out just to kind of ask how the baby and I were doing... I was (for once) honest, and I told her flat out, "this post partum depression is kicking my ass..", she calmly replied, "oh girl please, that's not real, it's all in your mind." Needless to say I didn't reply after that, but trust me; the worst thing you can do is think it's all in your mind! The fact is, it is in your mind, and there may be a time that you cannot control your thoughts or actions, GET HELP FOR PPD! I am now taking my own advice, and have sought medical and emotional advice from my doctor. Therapy begins in 2 weeks, as I have opted out of taking any medications. Updates to follow!